i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
