I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
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