So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
