do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
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