i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Randomize
