I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
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