I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
