Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
