also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize