is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
