I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
