I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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