why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
