We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
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