There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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