At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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