When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I think my nap took me to another dimension
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize