Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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