Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Randomize
