Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
