Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
