It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
