So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
