Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
