he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
