What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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