I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Randomize
