yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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