I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
