Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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