Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
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