she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
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