i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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