So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Randomize
