tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
