Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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