I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Randomize
