I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize
