His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
