i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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