Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
