these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Randomize
