Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
This is classic penis vs brain.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
