Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
