areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
