dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
