Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
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