his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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