we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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