Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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