We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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