Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
