Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
