Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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