I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
