i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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