I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize