a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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