my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Randomize
