just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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