the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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