I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
she looked like the before picture.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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