I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
how do flat chested girls get laid?
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
