you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
