I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
