i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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