i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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