When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
