i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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