Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
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