Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
